What Does Don T Take It Personal Mean
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
-I don't find you attractive, but don't take it personal.
-You know, you're really annoying when you do that thing, but don't take it personal.
-I have found that your personality is not compatible with mine, but don't take it personal.
-Don't take this personal, but you don't understand the rules in this game at all.
I'm sure you can come up with better (not so blunt) examples than what I just wrote.
My question is: What on earth does "Don't take it personal" mean?
Almost every time I hear it, my first thought is "you just made a statement about ME, why wouldn't I take it personal?".
I just find it a very strange thing to say. Often, people want to give a very subjective opinion about another person. But to disallow criticism, they append "don't take it personal" to the end - giving it some kind of undeserved objective feel.
-This is just how it is, or who I am. I'm just stating facts. Don't take this as if it was directed to you, even though it was.
Is it just me who finds the expression unfair? If the other person reacts, s/he is being immature because she took it personal when it was just meant to be taken as [...].
Maybe I'm confused because I'm not a native English speaker? Anyways, what do you think about this expression? Do you use it yourself? When is it okay to use it?
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I don't use it my self but from what I've seen it think it means that its not an actual problem, just something which they find disagreeable with you. That or just plain passive aggressiveness.
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To me, I interepret it as the person is trying to let you know that although he or she is giving you some negative comments, it is not exactly a personal attack. It's to prevent you from feeling offended and think that the person dislike you personally.
I don't really like this expression too, so I've never used it before. In fact depending on situations, I may be more irritated if the someone adds this into the speech.
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I always remember:
Anything that a person says about you says more about them than about you. It's their attitude to who you are. It doesn't have to concern you at all if you don't want it to.
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Translated: I'm going to say nasty shit about you to your face, and you don't/shouldn't have the right to take any offense (because I'm like, pretending to be helpful, nice, etc... and don't want to be exposed).
Easy as pie for passive aggressive folks who have no idea how to choose their battles wisely, mind their own business or to assert boundaries tactfully 
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People say it to indicate they are going to say something negative about you but that they still like you. But yea i get what you mean. They say the phrase and therefore an otherwise insulting/hurtful comment is supposed to be graciously accepted.
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I think they are more or less trying to help you by pointing out the truth but sometimes it just hurt to get the truth smacked in our faces so the "DTIP" phrase is just to act as if it is lightening the impact of the fall
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It is just an empty phrase not even an excuse. Sometimes, it is a pause before a slap.
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Pure passive aggression as far as I'm concerned. If they can't take the time to think through how to provide you with feedback that clearly is not a value judgement about your character but instead focuses on how something you did made them feel, then it is just a lazy way of not taking responsibility for saying something deliberately hurtful to you. I personally hate that expression and I don't recall ever having used it in my life.
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Usually it means they don't like something as a whole and when they express that to you, they want you to know it's more-so a personal preference in the grander scheme and not an issue you specifically created & made them dislike it -- you're not the origin, just the offspring / byproduct.
So ie:
"I only date Italians." (you're not Italian)
"I hate it when people (in general) talk while they have food in their mouths." (you have a tendency to do that).
etc.
Nonetheless, "don't take it personal" does get misused from time to time, but it's mostly meant to be used like the above.
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It's similar to:
"Just saying." --- "You tend to get a bit too emotional... Just saying."
Or the ever so popular:
"I'm not being sexist but"
"I'm not being racist but"
"I'm not being rude but"
Or the pre-emptive 'sorry' indicating no feeling of sorrow whatsoever:
"I'm sorry but"
It's basically the ultimate failure in attempting to be tactful and often used as an excuse to be downright offensive.
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The same as "No offense but.."
or "don't take this the wrong way but..."
The person is assuming you will be offended and hoping that you won't be.
I know someone who says these phrases ALL THE TIME. Half the time I have no idea why he would say them as a prefix to some of the things he says afterwards. He'll say "Don't take this the wrong way but you are good at cooking" or some kind of compliment. This, I don't understand....
anyway, I have never said these phrases. I don't understand the point.
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-I don't find you attractive, but don't take it personal.
if anyone looked the way you did i would not find them attractive
-You know, you're really annoying when you do that thing, but don't take it personal.
If anyone were to do that I would find that annoying
-I have found that your personality is not compatible with mine, but don't take it personal.
If anyone had that personality i would not find them compatible
-Don't take this personal, but you don't understand the rules in this game at all.
idk bout this one
it isn't exactly the nicest thing to say but people want to express themselves without hurting your feelings, that doesn't mean it won't hurt someone's feeling, it's very difficult to say some negative about someone's actions without hurting their feelings, but sometimes it has to be done. I try to say more nice things than not so nice things and i feel the few time i do say some negative it has more meaning. if someone is just mean and negative about you who cares what they think
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Positive Stuff:
I think most people see it as attacking our details, and are not intentionally attacking us personally..
Literally, they are being straightforward and honest with us, which will serve us well in the long-run..
I now think criticism is awesome, even if it is painful and threatening to my self-esteem at times.. the reason I find it awesome is because I can take another look at myself and improve if I choose to, or just ignore it.
Negative stuff:
Some more hard-headed/close-minded people might feel a need to force you to believe the same thing they believe, and that is when they are taking things too far..
Also, sometimes people are just being jerks about their opinions because they can.. it's like a power-trip to tell you you are wrong.. or else they can't be bothered to be nice about it..
So basically: are they genuinely confident or insecure? If they are confident, they have no need to attack you personally.. if they are insecure, you can turn the tables on them by responding with a reasonable amount of love and concern, which is what they are saying they need with their behavior.. It's a good time to learn and connect..
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My take on it:
-I don't find you attractive, but don't take it personal.
I don't find you attractive, but unfortunately my attractions are not under my personal control. I believe it is best that you should know the truth, however I don't want you to feel upset about something that neither of us can really help, since neither of us have consciously made things turn out this way.
-You know, you're really annoying when you do that thing, but don't take it personal.
I find you really annoying when you do that, but I am going to state it as though it is a universal fact and abuse the phrase "don't take it personally" to absolve myself of any responsibility for venting.
-I have found that your personality is not compatible with mine, but don't take it personal.
I don't like you, but I don't have anything against you so I would like you to know this is more a reflection of my preferences than it is of your character. (That said, I would never personally use this phrase.)
-Don't take this personal, but you don't understand the rules in this game at all.
You may feel that it is a personal slight by my pointing out that you don't understand the rules in this game when it is simply a factual observation. (However this is heavily context dependent and may be subject to significant personal bias.)
The above represents the ideal usage in my opinion, but most people when trying not to be personal are actually being personal. Your wariness is more than likely justified; most people do tend to employ it as an obligatory disclaimer, much the same as 'no offense' or even 'just kidding'.
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Even though you hit the nail on the head in your OP I will also add my personal favourite:
"No offence"
What a terrible saying for the rude to pretend they are being tactful. Ive known people who added this term to the start of everything they said....then blurted out an incredibly hurtful comment without even remotely dressing it up.
Of course they dont HAVE to dress it up, but if they want to be blunt, then be blunt.
I know I do use phrases that are almost elongations of this, but I only say things like: "I dont intend for this to be taken the wrong way..." when im being completely sincere about my critisism's.
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A person dies in front of you.
You give them CPR, but didn't save them.
You ***** failed.
Later you learn what you could have done differently maybe.
But what does it matter.
It hurts, and there is nothing we can do to change it,
Except look at life as if there is a purpose, and that there is something waiting for us, with open and comforting arms.
I guess it happens in this life too, comfort.
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It's just something people say because they sorta want to back up their blunt statement with a sort of... insurance?
Either way they really wanted to say something to you, and they said it, and they don't want to feel bad afterwardss.
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Reminds me of this
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My personal favourite is "No offense but..."
You know when someone starts with that, they are planning on saying something offensive.
They act like throwing in the, "no offense" cancels out the offense they are giving, but it doesn't.
People use it as an excuse to say offensive things and deny responsibility.
Of course, sometimes the person is being genuine and they are trying to put something lightly that is not meant to be personal. But those exceptions are few.
I think if they know the person will take offense and it's not neccesary to make the negative comment, they should just keep it to themselves.
What Does Don T Take It Personal Mean
Source: https://www.personalitycafe.com/threads/dont-take-it-personal-what-does-it-mean.73311/
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